My Origin Story
I was conceived when a star crashed from the sky and landed in a volcano which went dormant during the ice age. Slave gnomes dug me out from the rock encased in thick layers of carbon and ash at the hands of wicked elves. I was polished and placed in the crown of the elf queen. Until she was murdered by a magpie which stole the crown and dropped it at the bottom of the sea after being struck by an arrow from a wandering Indian girl. Warmed by under sea vents my encasement melted and I rose to the surface in a bubble picked up by pelicans I was then carried miles and dropped into the eye of a small aboriginal child which then lost me on a field trip to Sydney. I made my way through the sewers narrowly escaping the sinister jaws of monstrous sewer crocodiles and the greedy paws of rats. Spewed into the oceans again I drifted for days settling on the bottom of a reef bed. Nursed in an anemone at the fins of clown fish, when I got too big and they couldn’t take care of me anymore. They sent me to live with the lobster. A massive mother with claws of steel she taught me how to fish and hunt and climb trees. She was taken by fishermen and I was left an orphan. I wandered from reef buttress to reef buttress before I was swallowed by a shark which was later killed by a pod of malevolent dolphins. Fleeing for my life from the bottle nosed tyrants I washed ashore and was picked up by seventeen year old privileged skank. She wore me on her middle finger. I saw the best and worst of her. Her straight A’s, her experimentation with drugs, her sexcapades, and her descent into madness. She wore me on her left middle finger until the coroner burned me alive with. Then I was placed in an expensive urn filled with dust. It was dark. But one day, I was free a smash jolted me from my dust everywhere. I was then swept up with shards of porcelain and placed into a trash bag. It was two days before I was picked up. I was left to sit among foul smelling waste. When a shrieking bird descended upon me. It swallowed me whole. As I traveled the intestinal tract of the avian creature I made my escape through another entrance. I landed in the wooded area. Where I was abruptly chased down by wild fire. As fortune would have it I was flung by hot winds into the mane of a unicorn, where I was then inhaled by another unicorn mounted by the one whose mane I had been in. Later, I found myself trapped in its womb, where I grew and grew till I was then deposited on the soft dewy forest floor and then abandoned by my unicorn parents.
These are good ideas in case I run out of word vomit
- You can find new ideas for what to blog about by reading the Daily Post.
- Add PressThis to your browser. It creates a new blog post for you about any interesting page you read on the web.
- Make some changes to this page, and then hit preview on the right. You can alway preview any post or edit you before you share it to the world.
My Majestic Trailer 